Friday, December 24, 2004

The grass does not grow on the places where we stop and stand

Today is Christmas Eve which means I'll be traveling somewhere. This year is a bit different, as it is my first year not celebrating with my parents. Usually we're spending the night at their place, then waking up early, and opening presents in our pj's, just like every other family out there.

My mom always gets tons of store-bought cinnamon roles, donuts and breakfast pastries for breakfast. My mom and food - you'll never starve with her around. Gotta love her. There is usually tons of bowls of candy, a pot of coffee always ready, a ham ready to go in the fridge with the bread and mayonnaise right next to it for the perfect Christmas Day lunch.

Growing up, we did develop a few weird traditions. Or, anti-traditions as sometimes the case was. We were never allowed to watch It’s a Wonderful Life because my mom hated how bad things got in the movie, and how completely sappy it is at the end. I did manage to still watch it just about every year, but never when she was around. I’ll never forget Christmas Day 3 years ago when we (my sister and I) persuaded it to be played in the house while my mom was home. My sister-in-law had never seen it (we’ll forgive her – she’s Australian) and in our effort to continue to force our American customs on her, we sat her down and put it in. At first, my mom was putzing around the kitchen, doing whatever she could to avoid watching it. But her wanting to spend time with the family forced her to sit down eventually. Heck, even my dad, Mr. Un-sappy himself was watching it and enjoying it.

Well, you know how this story turns out: EVERYONE cried at the end and my mom had a new appreciation for the movie, declaring that we would have to watch it every year from now on.

Feeling like we still needed to force strange family weirdness on my brother’s poor wife, two years ago we were opening presents on Christmas Eve and my mom chose the one for my brother to open. Now, my family has a few ULTIMATE Winslow inside things that make us special. One of them is knowing all the lines from Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas. My mom may as well have given us EACH the best present EVER, even though it was wrapped and had only my brother’s name on it. We of course popped it right in and began another new tradition.

My mom still can’t stand it (she hates how poor they are), but will tolerate to watch it. My sister-in-law on the other hand thinks we’re COMPLETELY nuts but is kind enough to humor us while we sing along. We all have our favorite scenes, and my brother does the best at singing all the songs. I personally love the flying squirrels and the ice sliding.





This year I am personally hoping a few games of Trivial Pursuit are planned, but we’ll have to keep the Battle of the Sexes game hidden from my brother or he’s liable to scream and run out of the house.



We did the gift exchange thing this year for the 3rd year. Without my parents, it was a little more difficult to pull names with only 5 of us, and two married couples – hence canceling them out for each other. But we managed, and I’m really excited with the things I bought. We also buy everyone stocking stuffers, which my mom started the tradition of those being completely random. Last year I can recall getting a cell phone stand in the shape of a pink stiletto that lights up when your phone rings, and silver glitter sunglasses in the shape of two hearts.



Good times.

Those are traditions we’ll be upholding this year, and passing them down to a new generation for the first time. However we won’t have mom’s breakfast fit for an army, or be opening presents Christmas morning at her house in our pj’s. But it’s what happens to every family: new families enter in, and we make adjustments. I’m looking forward to what new things we come up with. One thing that’s never gonna change is that my family is never dull.


The grass does not grow on the places where we stop and stand

Today is Christmas Eve which means I'll be traveling somewhere. This year is a bit different, as it is my first year not celebrating with my parents. Usually we're spending the night at their place, then waking up early, and opening presents in our pj's, just like every other family out there.

My mom always gets tons of store-bought cinnamon roles, donuts and breakfast pastries for breakfast. My mom and food - you'll never starve with her around. Gotta love her. There is usually tons of bowls of candy, a pot of coffee always ready, a ham ready to go in the fridge with the bread and mayonnaise right next to it for the perfect Christmas Day lunch.

Growing up, we did develop a few weird traditions. Or, anti-traditions as sometimes the case was. We were never allowed to watch It’s a Wonderful Life because my mom hated how bad things got in the movie, and how completely sappy it is at the end. I did manage to still watch it just about every year, but never when she was around. I’ll never forget Christmas Day 3 years ago when we (my sister and I) persuaded it to be played in the house while my mom was home. My sister-in-law had never seen it (we’ll forgive her – she’s Australian) and in our effort to continue to force our American customs on her, we sat her down and put it in. At first, my mom was putzing around the kitchen, doing whatever she could to avoid watching it. But her wanting to spend time with the family forced her to sit down eventually. Heck, even my dad, Mr. Un-sappy himself was watching it and enjoying it.

Well, you know how this story turns out: EVERYONE cried at the end and my mom had a new appreciation for the movie, declaring that we would have to watch it every year from now on.

Feeling like we still needed to force strange family weirdness on my brother’s poor wife, two years ago we were opening presents on Christmas Eve and my mom chose the one for my brother to open. Now, my family has a few ULTIMATE Winslow inside things that make us special. One of them is knowing all the lines from Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas. My mom may as well have given us EACH the best present EVER, even though it was wrapped and had only my brother’s name on it. We of course popped it right in and began another new tradition.

My mom still can’t stand it (she hates how poor they are), but will tolerate to watch it. My sister-in-law on the other hand thinks we’re COMPLETELY nuts but is kind enough to humor us while we sing along. We all have our favorite scenes, and my brother does the best at singing all the songs. I personally love the flying squirrels and the ice sliding.





This year I am personally hoping a few games of Trivial Pursuit are planned, but we’ll have to keep the Battle of the Sexes game hidden from my brother or he’s liable to scream and run out of the house.



We did the gift exchange thing this year for the 3rd year. Without my parents, it was a little more difficult to pull names with only 5 of us, and two married couples – hence canceling them out for each other. But we managed, and I’m really excited with the things I bought. We also buy everyone stocking stuffers, which my mom started the tradition of those being completely random. Last year I can recall getting a cell phone stand in the shape of a pink stiletto that lights up when your phone rings, and silver glitter sunglasses in the shape of two hearts.



Good times.

Those are traditions we’ll be upholding this year, and passing them down to a new generation for the first time. However we won’t have mom’s breakfast fit for an army, or be opening presents Christmas morning at her house in our pj’s. But it’s what happens to every family: new families enter in, and we make adjustments. I’m looking forward to what new things we come up with. One thing that’s never gonna change is that my family is never dull.


The grass does not grow on the places where we stop and stand

Today is Christmas Eve which means I'll be traveling somewhere. This year is a bit different, as it is my first year not celebrating with my parents. Usually we're spending the night at their place, then waking up early, and opening presents in our pj's, just like every other family out there.

My mom always gets tons of store-bought cinnamon roles, donuts and breakfast pastries for breakfast. My mom and food - you'll never starve with her around. Gotta love her. There is usually tons of bowls of candy, a pot of coffee always ready, a ham ready to go in the fridge with the bread and mayonnaise right next to it for the perfect Christmas Day lunch.

Growing up, we did develop a few weird traditions. Or, anti-traditions as sometimes the case was. We were never allowed to watch It’s a Wonderful Life because my mom hated how bad things got in the movie, and how completely sappy it is at the end. I did manage to still watch it just about every year, but never when she was around. I’ll never forget Christmas Day 3 years ago when we (my sister and I) persuaded it to be played in the house while my mom was home. My sister-in-law had never seen it (we’ll forgive her – she’s Australian) and in our effort to continue to force our American customs on her, we sat her down and put it in. At first, my mom was putzing around the kitchen, doing whatever she could to avoid watching it. But her wanting to spend time with the family forced her to sit down eventually. Heck, even my dad, Mr. Un-sappy himself was watching it and enjoying it.

Well, you know how this story turns out: EVERYONE cried at the end and my mom had a new appreciation for the movie, declaring that we would have to watch it every year from now on.

Feeling like we still needed to force strange family weirdness on my brother’s poor wife, two years ago we were opening presents on Christmas Eve and my mom chose the one for my brother to open. Now, my family has a few ULTIMATE Winslow inside things that make us special. One of them is knowing all the lines from Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas. My mom may as well have given us EACH the best present EVER, even though it was wrapped and had only my brother’s name on it. We of course popped it right in and began another new tradition.

My mom still can’t stand it (she hates how poor they are), but will tolerate to watch it. My sister-in-law on the other hand thinks we’re COMPLETELY nuts but is kind enough to humor us while we sing along. We all have our favorite scenes, and my brother does the best at singing all the songs. I personally love the flying squirrels and the ice sliding.





This year I am personally hoping a few games of Trivial Pursuit are planned, but we’ll have to keep the Battle of the Sexes game hidden from my brother or he’s liable to scream and run out of the house.



We did the gift exchange thing this year for the 3rd year. Without my parents, it was a little more difficult to pull names with only 5 of us, and two married couples – hence canceling them out for each other. But we managed, and I’m really excited with the things I bought. We also buy everyone stocking stuffers, which my mom started the tradition of those being completely random. Last year I can recall getting a cell phone stand in the shape of a pink stiletto that lights up when your phone rings, and silver glitter sunglasses in the shape of two hearts.



Good times.

Those are traditions we’ll be upholding this year, and passing them down to a new generation for the first time. However we won’t have mom’s breakfast fit for an army, or be opening presents Christmas morning at her house in our pj’s. But it’s what happens to every family: new families enter in, and we make adjustments. I’m looking forward to what new things we come up with. One thing that’s never gonna change is that my family is never dull.


Go Tell it on the Mountain

I've officially been slacking on this blogger. It's not that I've been "too busy" or "haven't had the time". I HAVE been busy, but not that busy and I just haven't felt like it.

But let's put all that aside and get to it.

I am officially an Auntie to officially the most perfect boy in the world. He arrived 10 days late, but according to him he must have been right on time. CJ is now two weeks old and I don't think I could love him more.








Finished my Christmas shopping early this year and have been spending time at various Christmas parties, and gathering with friends to exchange gifts. I always love Christmas shopping because I tend to buy people really meaningful things that I put thought into. I usually have a lot of fun, and this year was no different. I was most excited about Heather's. She's easy cuz I know her so well, and I actually had to put stuff back that would have been really perfect. Her birthday's only 6 months away. But I couldn't put back the Orange County Choppers slippers with pink fur that I found. Those were too good to resist.

This weekend will mean more traveling than ever for me,but I'm looking forward to seeing SO MUCH of the family. Especially celebrating CJ's first Christmas.

Someone from Canada told me this week that they were in a funk because it doesn't seem like Christmas here because it was sunny and there was no snow. Welcome to Southern California. Now go back to Canada where you belong. It did get colder later this week, which does help. At least we can wear scarves and a sweater and pretend it's actually cold enough to do so.

That's a quick rundown on me the past few weeks. Always having the various adventures a day manages to bring about that I will be writing about some day: random people at the gym, the guy with the gray afro in the little yellow car that I saw THREE days in a row last week, Santa in a pink T-Bird for no apparent reason, and the guy on the bike.

I really should write a book.

Go Tell it on the Mountain

I've officially been slacking on this blogger. It's not that I've been "too busy" or "haven't had the time". I HAVE been busy, but not that busy and I just haven't felt like it.

But let's put all that aside and get to it.

I am officially an Auntie to officially the most perfect boy in the world. He arrived 10 days late, but according to him he must have been right on time. CJ is now two weeks old and I don't think I could love him more.








Finished my Christmas shopping early this year and have been spending time at various Christmas parties, and gathering with friends to exchange gifts. I always love Christmas shopping because I tend to buy people really meaningful things that I put thought into. I usually have a lot of fun, and this year was no different. I was most excited about Heather's. She's easy cuz I know her so well, and I actually had to put stuff back that would have been really perfect. Her birthday's only 6 months away. But I couldn't put back the Orange County Choppers slippers with pink fur that I found. Those were too good to resist.

This weekend will mean more traveling than ever for me,but I'm looking forward to seeing SO MUCH of the family. Especially celebrating CJ's first Christmas.

Someone from Canada told me this week that they were in a funk because it doesn't seem like Christmas here because it was sunny and there was no snow. Welcome to Southern California. Now go back to Canada where you belong. It did get colder later this week, which does help. At least we can wear scarves and a sweater and pretend it's actually cold enough to do so.

That's a quick rundown on me the past few weeks. Always having the various adventures a day manages to bring about that I will be writing about some day: random people at the gym, the guy with the gray afro in the little yellow car that I saw THREE days in a row last week, Santa in a pink T-Bird for no apparent reason, and the guy on the bike.

I really should write a book.

Go Tell it on the Mountain

I've officially been slacking on this blogger. It's not that I've been "too busy" or "haven't had the time". I HAVE been busy, but not that busy and I just haven't felt like it.

But let's put all that aside and get to it.

I am officially an Auntie to officially the most perfect boy in the world. He arrived 10 days late, but according to him he must have been right on time. CJ is now two weeks old and I don't think I could love him more.








Finished my Christmas shopping early this year and have been spending time at various Christmas parties, and gathering with friends to exchange gifts. I always love Christmas shopping because I tend to buy people really meaningful things that I put thought into. I usually have a lot of fun, and this year was no different. I was most excited about Heather's. She's easy cuz I know her so well, and I actually had to put stuff back that would have been really perfect. Her birthday's only 6 months away. But I couldn't put back the Orange County Choppers slippers with pink fur that I found. Those were too good to resist.

This weekend will mean more traveling than ever for me,but I'm looking forward to seeing SO MUCH of the family. Especially celebrating CJ's first Christmas.

Someone from Canada told me this week that they were in a funk because it doesn't seem like Christmas here because it was sunny and there was no snow. Welcome to Southern California. Now go back to Canada where you belong. It did get colder later this week, which does help. At least we can wear scarves and a sweater and pretend it's actually cold enough to do so.

That's a quick rundown on me the past few weeks. Always having the various adventures a day manages to bring about that I will be writing about some day: random people at the gym, the guy with the gray afro in the little yellow car that I saw THREE days in a row last week, Santa in a pink T-Bird for no apparent reason, and the guy on the bike.

I really should write a book.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Captain Jack will get you by tonight

Today marks Day 8 of my sister being past her due date. Poor girl has caught a cold making these last few days even more miserable.



She is scheduled to be induced tomorrow. Strange that my sister will officially be "Mommy". And even stranger still that the thing that's in her body today will be in my arms tomorrow. Pregnancy is truly an amazing thing, but birth is something that I don't think I'll ever be able to wrap my brain around. How is it that in a matter of seconds she will bring a new human into this world, and he'll have a face and a name and a family that loves him... But it's still inside her belly at this moment???



Baffling. But I can't wait to be an Auntie. Hopefully he'll look just like me.

Captain Jack will get you by tonight

Today marks Day 8 of my sister being past her due date. Poor girl has caught a cold making these last few days even more miserable.



She is scheduled to be induced tomorrow. Strange that my sister will officially be "Mommy". And even stranger still that the thing that's in her body today will be in my arms tomorrow. Pregnancy is truly an amazing thing, but birth is something that I don't think I'll ever be able to wrap my brain around. How is it that in a matter of seconds she will bring a new human into this world, and he'll have a face and a name and a family that loves him... But it's still inside her belly at this moment???



Baffling. But I can't wait to be an Auntie. Hopefully he'll look just like me.

Captain Jack will get you by tonight

Today marks Day 8 of my sister being past her due date. Poor girl has caught a cold making these last few days even more miserable.



She is scheduled to be induced tomorrow. Strange that my sister will officially be "Mommy". And even stranger still that the thing that's in her body today will be in my arms tomorrow. Pregnancy is truly an amazing thing, but birth is something that I don't think I'll ever be able to wrap my brain around. How is it that in a matter of seconds she will bring a new human into this world, and he'll have a face and a name and a family that loves him... But it's still inside her belly at this moment???



Baffling. But I can't wait to be an Auntie. Hopefully he'll look just like me.

Jesus loves you more than you will know

Time for another weekend recap. Yet again, my weekend involved another H&H adventure. Man, are we good or what?



Friday afternoon got "the call". I was to pack my things and immediately get myself to Anaheim for Heather's company Christmas party at California Adventure. Good thing I have no life and was able to follow instructions quickly. In my defense, I have been keeping my calendar pretty open on purpose since we're still waiting for my sister to go into labor - no one more than my sister, I might add. But yeah, I have no life so I was ready for an adventure.



We spent the evening at CA with all of Heather's coworkers who are an interesting mix of people, but who are all very friendly and funny. Much to her dismay, I've been Heather's date at more than one company function, so I've met most of these people before, making it easier to kick back and have a good time. We, of course, proceded to make best friends with Jeffrey, our very gay waiter, who was very good at making sure we had everything we needed allllll night. We fell in love with him, and probably would've hung out after he got off work if he hadn't done such a damn good job at keeping us so well supplied that we (I) passed out at 10:45. We also made very good friends with the head chef Chad, (who eerily reminded me of what my dad probably looked like at 30), the head bartender Javier, and the straight waiter Jeffrey was in love with whose last name had the word "cock" in it which Jeffrey was very excited about. Basically all the important people... We had our caricatures drawn by Andy who made Heather a hot chick in a bikini with ripped abs (cellulite) and me a hula girl. Heather and I dont really look anything alike except that we share a common bond of being blessed with big lips. Yet from Andy's perspective, the only differences we have were my sleepy eyes and Heather's thicker eyebrows. Everything else was pretty much the same - strange.



For the umpteenth time Heather and I ended up in bed together naked. Well, actually it was only me that was naked this time. Woke up with a raging headache, and the realization that I had made a few phone calls before the night had officially ended. Mind you, not because I actually remembered making the calls, but because I checked my call log and saw the names of a few friends who I knew I'd be getting crap from later. I'm sure they're all very honored to be on my drunk dial list. We made it to breakfast where I was officially not human until I was able to sit down and put something into my stomach. It was not a pretty sight. I'm never drinking scotch again - no matter how many chefs tell me I must try it, it's good.



Quick rundown of the rest of the weekend: spent a few hours at California Adventure for my first visit there. I had to leave early to get home and take care of a few things, then go to a Christmas party with some people from work. Being vegetarian, potlucks are never usually a good thing, and this party was more of the same. But the evening was redeemed when the karaoke machine came out and I found myself shouting at people to "work it! work it!" as they sang all the Christmas standards in the goofiest ways possible. I resisted all encouragement to get up and do a song, not willing to humiliate myself in a room of people who all sing exceptionally well, no matter how many times they chanted my name. Sunday sold my car (woohoo!), which was an interesting learning experience and maybe someday I will share with the class. In any event, I'm so glad that's done and that my baby has found a good home. Was in a fantastic mood, which led to an exceptionally good night at work. Amazing how that happens. At work I was informed that someone I work with thinks I'm "so beautiful". Which I thought was the absolute cutest thing because the guy is 20 and it was his mom who told me. Can I reclaim my Mrs. Robinson title back? Maybe I never lost it...



I think I'll leave that one alone.


Jesus loves you more than you will know

Time for another weekend recap. Yet again, my weekend involved another H&H adventure. Man, are we good or what?



Friday afternoon got "the call". I was to pack my things and immediately get myself to Anaheim for Heather's company Christmas party at California Adventure. Good thing I have no life and was able to follow instructions quickly. In my defense, I have been keeping my calendar pretty open on purpose since we're still waiting for my sister to go into labor - no one more than my sister, I might add. But yeah, I have no life so I was ready for an adventure.



We spent the evening at CA with all of Heather's coworkers who are an interesting mix of people, but who are all very friendly and funny. Much to her dismay, I've been Heather's date at more than one company function, so I've met most of these people before, making it easier to kick back and have a good time. We, of course, proceded to make best friends with Jeffrey, our very gay waiter, who was very good at making sure we had everything we needed allllll night. We fell in love with him, and probably would've hung out after he got off work if he hadn't done such a damn good job at keeping us so well supplied that we (I) passed out at 10:45. We also made very good friends with the head chef Chad, (who eerily reminded me of what my dad probably looked like at 30), the head bartender Javier, and the straight waiter Jeffrey was in love with whose last name had the word "cock" in it which Jeffrey was very excited about. Basically all the important people... We had our caricatures drawn by Andy who made Heather a hot chick in a bikini with ripped abs (cellulite) and me a hula girl. Heather and I dont really look anything alike except that we share a common bond of being blessed with big lips. Yet from Andy's perspective, the only differences we have were my sleepy eyes and Heather's thicker eyebrows. Everything else was pretty much the same - strange.



For the umpteenth time Heather and I ended up in bed together naked. Well, actually it was only me that was naked this time. Woke up with a raging headache, and the realization that I had made a few phone calls before the night had officially ended. Mind you, not because I actually remembered making the calls, but because I checked my call log and saw the names of a few friends who I knew I'd be getting crap from later. I'm sure they're all very honored to be on my drunk dial list. We made it to breakfast where I was officially not human until I was able to sit down and put something into my stomach. It was not a pretty sight. I'm never drinking scotch again - no matter how many chefs tell me I must try it, it's good.



Quick rundown of the rest of the weekend: spent a few hours at California Adventure for my first visit there. I had to leave early to get home and take care of a few things, then go to a Christmas party with some people from work. Being vegetarian, potlucks are never usually a good thing, and this party was more of the same. But the evening was redeemed when the karaoke machine came out and I found myself shouting at people to "work it! work it!" as they sang all the Christmas standards in the goofiest ways possible. I resisted all encouragement to get up and do a song, not willing to humiliate myself in a room of people who all sing exceptionally well, no matter how many times they chanted my name. Sunday sold my car (woohoo!), which was an interesting learning experience and maybe someday I will share with the class. In any event, I'm so glad that's done and that my baby has found a good home. Was in a fantastic mood, which led to an exceptionally good night at work. Amazing how that happens. At work I was informed that someone I work with thinks I'm "so beautiful". Which I thought was the absolute cutest thing because the guy is 20 and it was his mom who told me. Can I reclaim my Mrs. Robinson title back? Maybe I never lost it...



I think I'll leave that one alone.


Jesus loves you more than you will know

Time for another weekend recap. Yet again, my weekend involved another H&H adventure. Man, are we good or what?



Friday afternoon got "the call". I was to pack my things and immediately get myself to Anaheim for Heather's company Christmas party at California Adventure. Good thing I have no life and was able to follow instructions quickly. In my defense, I have been keeping my calendar pretty open on purpose since we're still waiting for my sister to go into labor - no one more than my sister, I might add. But yeah, I have no life so I was ready for an adventure.



We spent the evening at CA with all of Heather's coworkers who are an interesting mix of people, but who are all very friendly and funny. Much to her dismay, I've been Heather's date at more than one company function, so I've met most of these people before, making it easier to kick back and have a good time. We, of course, proceded to make best friends with Jeffrey, our very gay waiter, who was very good at making sure we had everything we needed allllll night. We fell in love with him, and probably would've hung out after he got off work if he hadn't done such a damn good job at keeping us so well supplied that we (I) passed out at 10:45. We also made very good friends with the head chef Chad, (who eerily reminded me of what my dad probably looked like at 30), the head bartender Javier, and the straight waiter Jeffrey was in love with whose last name had the word "cock" in it which Jeffrey was very excited about. Basically all the important people... We had our caricatures drawn by Andy who made Heather a hot chick in a bikini with ripped abs (cellulite) and me a hula girl. Heather and I dont really look anything alike except that we share a common bond of being blessed with big lips. Yet from Andy's perspective, the only differences we have were my sleepy eyes and Heather's thicker eyebrows. Everything else was pretty much the same - strange.



For the umpteenth time Heather and I ended up in bed together naked. Well, actually it was only me that was naked this time. Woke up with a raging headache, and the realization that I had made a few phone calls before the night had officially ended. Mind you, not because I actually remembered making the calls, but because I checked my call log and saw the names of a few friends who I knew I'd be getting crap from later. I'm sure they're all very honored to be on my drunk dial list. We made it to breakfast where I was officially not human until I was able to sit down and put something into my stomach. It was not a pretty sight. I'm never drinking scotch again - no matter how many chefs tell me I must try it, it's good.



Quick rundown of the rest of the weekend: spent a few hours at California Adventure for my first visit there. I had to leave early to get home and take care of a few things, then go to a Christmas party with some people from work. Being vegetarian, potlucks are never usually a good thing, and this party was more of the same. But the evening was redeemed when the karaoke machine came out and I found myself shouting at people to "work it! work it!" as they sang all the Christmas standards in the goofiest ways possible. I resisted all encouragement to get up and do a song, not willing to humiliate myself in a room of people who all sing exceptionally well, no matter how many times they chanted my name. Sunday sold my car (woohoo!), which was an interesting learning experience and maybe someday I will share with the class. In any event, I'm so glad that's done and that my baby has found a good home. Was in a fantastic mood, which led to an exceptionally good night at work. Amazing how that happens. At work I was informed that someone I work with thinks I'm "so beautiful". Which I thought was the absolute cutest thing because the guy is 20 and it was his mom who told me. Can I reclaim my Mrs. Robinson title back? Maybe I never lost it...



I think I'll leave that one alone.